Commitment

So, I have a question. Why is being in a long-term committed relationship such a shocking thing nowadays? Why do people feel the need to ask me, even after telling them it's been five years, "Wow! You guys are pretty serious, huh?" No, shitforbrains, we're still just on the fling part of things. Never mind the fact that we live together now. Naaaaah, we're all for free love. And not to bash on those who do like free love. I'm finding myself more and more partial to polyamory as the days go on. But why be shocked? Why act surprised to find out two people are serious for each other? Is that what today is like? Where flings are less shocking than people intending to marry each other? Why?

I might be able to understand if you didn't expect the person to be that way. To give an exaggerated example: a hippy get married to one man and stays with him for sixty years until they die. Hippies have a reputation for being less about monogamy and more about givin' it to whoever asks. Because free love, baby. Sure, you can say "Huh, that's really nice. Given your past/what I've heard about you/previous judgments, I never woulda guessed." That's fine. Close-minded, but I'll excuse it. But to act like you've never heard of that happening anywhere else in the world??? C'mon!

I can only date people with the intention of being with them long-term. I know many other people aren't like that, but I accept it. Or at least I try to. Yeah, I explain the dangers of casual sex, but only because that's common knowledge. Please, if you think I need to be enlightened about the dangers of marriage, let me fuckin' know. Because chances are, I didn't know about those dangers before. My mother recently told me the difference between marriage and a long term relationship, because I seriously did not understand why this change happened between normally happy couples and married couples. She explained to me the financial side of things. And it made sense to me. Because you can have a fabulous fucking time with that one dude, but if he has terrible credit? And you get married? He's fucking your shit up. And that's when heads begin to roll and tempers flare. Because you forget about all those good things in the light of money problems. And money problems themselves and the dependency on money is an entirely different conversation, but you get my point. I really didn't know that before. So, my boyfriend could be this fantastic fucking guy, I love every waking minute with him, but if he was bad with money... Once we got married, it wouldn't just be his problem anymore. Thankfully, he's not the one I have to worry about. Unfortunately, I'm the one I have to worry about with that shit. But I'm sure I'll figure it out on the way. I ain't stupid.

Anyway. Ramble, ramble. I should probably do an outline of these things before typing them up all willynilly because they start to get away from me a bit once I get into it... But oh well. Not like you folks care.

So yes. Stop acting surprised when I tell you my Master and I have been together for almost five years. So the fuck what if I'm only 20. Are you surprised because I'm more successful in love than you have been? Because if that's so, I'll let it slide. Then again, I probably shouldn't get so caught up in what my stripper father thinks of my love life. He's got 40+ kids, from almost as many different women. So, I'm pretty sure the shock is just from comparing and finding out how different our lives are. See, Daddy? You did teach me something!

Attraction

I guess I'll first start this off with myself.

There are a handful of people who have described me as attractive. Maybe two handfuls, if I remember really hard. Either way, I disagree with them. All of them. You see, to me, the whole of me is not attractive. I have attractive features or parts, but the combination of all of them does not make me pretty. I have nicely shaped eyes and long lashes. My hair has its pretty days, but mostly messy and intolerable days. I have a decent butt. My boobs have their fantastic days and their bad days. Etc, etc. But the sum of all these parts does not amount to more than the individual parts. When I look in the mirror, I do not see an attractive person. I'm not hideous, I will admit that. But I cannot see what it is Alpha raves about. Why does he want to share my image with the world? He likes to joke about showing me off, and there is some seriousness in the form of attraction in his voice. But why? What on me is good enough to show to others??


Enough of that. Onto the real reason for making this. What about a person makes you attracted to them? Male, female, or other. What gets your juices flowing? Because for my particular tastes, it depends.

Often times, no matter what the person looks like, a good personality will win my adoration. I've found myself falling for someone society might consider horribly unattractive, but the sweetness of their soul will bring me to tears and make my heart stretch out to try and meet theirs. Other times, the body will catch my eye only. Now, not to say an attractive asshole will remain attractive, that is not the case at all. If you act like shit, you will look like shit in my eyes. Even someone who I saw as attractive became unattractive after I learned not nice things about them (George Clooney).

What do I find physically attractive? I will tell you mental audience.
For females, it is curves. Nicely proportioned curves. My Master likes curvy women of all types, but I find myself disagreeing with some of his favorites, so I will slap on the disclaimer of "nicely proportioned". Nothing outrageous or extravagant. Nothing ridiculous or ludicrous looking. Hourglass is preferred, but I can do a slight pear shape or whatever the reverse is called. I really can't do square shaped females though. Just. There's no figure. I can't get over that. Usually their "assets" are what I look at next: TnA. Yeah, I ogle some tits and ass, who fuckin' doesn't? Nobody, that's who. And he's dumb. I can be okay with a small-chested girl, but she has to make up for it in the rear. But vice versa is not true. Girls need booties to get my attention. Again, nothing circusy (unlike my Master's preferences), but large and round are very nice to look at~ After that? Not a whole lot matters really. Does that make me shallow? Maybe. Do I care? No. Hair can be whatever, but if its straight, chances are I'll get jealous. Eyes can be whatever, but if they are prettier than mine (chances are high that they are), then I'll get jealous. I prefer pouty lips, but I'll take whatever. And ethnicity can be just about whatever. Though, I only like a few choice black chicks, the rest of them kinda squick me out. Some celebrities I like the looks of are: Shakira, Beyonce, Kiera Knightley, Mila Kunis, Kate Beckinsale (Underworld style), Milla Jovovich, and Jennifer Connelly. Those are ones I would bang, no questions asked. But others I still find myself attracted to in some way are: Courteney Cox, Angelina Jolie (Lara Croft style), Jennifer Lopez, and a few others I can't remember the names of.

For men, it varies greatly. (~Prepares self for shitstorm from Alpha, but whatevz.) The way I judge men can be unorthodox. Some use muscles or humor or their chemistry with cute things like babies and dogs. Sometimes I do that, but some males I find attractive don't fit any of those criteria. And then there are those males that everyone goes googoo over that I'm just standing thinking "uh, ew?": Denzel Washington, the current president, Chris Evans, and some others I can't think of. Some pretty common eyecandy for myself and many others are: Brad Pitt, Robert Downey Jr, David Bowie (circa Labyrinth), Childish Gambino, Joe Manganiello, Koga (Inu Yasha), etc. The more unusual ones I like to look at? Ones I haven't heard anyone else mention? They would be Nicholas Cage, Vegeta (yep, DBZ), Bruce Willis, Javier Bardem, Vincent D'Onofrio (The Cell style), Anthony Hopkins (dat Hannibal Lecter), etc. Why does these guys register or don't register on my radar? Who fucking knows. RDJ has this aura about him of not giving a fuck that makes me want to make him give a fuck; plus dat goatee. There's muscles on some, but flab on others. This carnal presence. A weird sense of humor. I can't tell you exactly why I find some of the folks I named attractive. I just do. Gives me weird tingles to watch them in movies sometimes. But I try my hardest not to obsess, because I've got a great lookin' guy who sleeps in my bed every night. I've had an old friend call him sexy, and while I agree, it ignited a possessive beast inside of me. Other people wonder why I like him, let alone love him. He has this body that makes me shiver just thinking about it. His eyes are so light blue, I lose myself from staring into them for so long. I love his hair (even if he doesn't). I love his style, even if he doesn't understand why. I find him so fucking attractive, that I have to steal glances at him to placate my need to see him because if I stare he yells at me. So while I might drool over anime characters or werewolves from an HBO series, I have my own stud all to myself.

For a bit more of the vulgar side of things... Dicks are awesome. Penises just have some aesthetic appeal to my eyes and mouth and lower parts. Vaginas... I'm getting there. But even when I like vaginas as much as I like penises, I will still prefer "innies". "Outties" are those hamburger, roast beef flap lookin' vaginas. Some folks like 'em, some hate 'em. I hate 'em. As for dicks. As much as I love them, not all are created equal. I cannot stand the sight of uncircumcised cocks. Don't care that it's natural. Don't care that it feels better for the guy. Don't care that "once they're hard, it really doesn't matter what they looked like before" because I won't put my mouth or hands on one to find out. I just can't deal with that foreskin. Or the slimy head thing. Hurghdjfdaksdjsdj. Gross, gross. For those of you who revel in them, please take them all: floppy vaginas and slimy dickheads alike. I don't want 'em, so I'm willing to give them to you. If this offends you, think of it this way: More for you to enjoy.



This might end up sounding weird, but I really don't care. When it comes to my friends, I surround myself with people I connect with and find attractive in some way. For most of you, I've imagined myself dating you in one way or another. It's just how I do things. The way my mind works. Have I continued doing so, after the initial daydream? For a handful, yes. Will I tell you who? Not here. Can I help it? Not really. It just happens. I have very little intention of acting on those "visions" as well. While Master and I have discussed gaining a third (has to be a sub or switch), we are still an exclusively monogamous relationship. And there we shall remain until the mood strikes us in a different direction.


This was kinda rambly all over the place. But whatevz. It's a blog, not an essay. If you gained absolutely nothing from this, coo', complain about it in that bottom part. If you did gain something, coo', talk about it in that bottom part. I want more discussions with you guys. More comments. More agreeing or disagreeing. Because when I beg, only then does the mood strike you in such a way.