Judgement

How do you know who or what you are as a person? Do you allow yourself to stake final claim over your own labels? Or do you seek insight from others? Or are you like me where it varies based on the moment? How do you know if you are good or bad or just regular?

And before you go exclaiming exaggerations, let me first give you some things to think on. A man is religious and wants to purify the people around him. S he sets forth on this faithful mission to help cleanse his loved ones. The gods speak to and through him to help people see the light of goodness. A week later, the same man is in the papers for slaughtering his wife, and three daughters. He's committed to an insane asylum where he speaks to god through padded walls. In his mind, he is good. In ours minds, he is bad. How does one know the difference? A bit dramatic, sure, but you get my point?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, someone who appears inherently good can think themselves to be the ultimate evil. So how do you know? How can one find balance while remaining themselves? I think the balance comes from all points - both outside and inside - but most of all from within the self. One must remind honest while positive with the self. Positive in that you aren't constantly battering yourself with negative emotions and words. Yet honest enough to where if there is something negative, you work towards improving it.

Where did this come from? From internal conflicts and from external words. Close friends in my life tell me it is difficult to see me as a sub. I asked why, and some replied, but others did not. So, I set myself to thinking about what makes a person a sub and did I qualify. But that's where the negativity started, by thinking there is some qualification to be something. I am a self-proclaimed switch, yet in my daily life, I act as a slave to my Master and a dominant advisor to friends. I like to see myself as more submissive, but others find that I am more dominant. Excluding the switch label, where does that put me? Where did I think it put me? I thought it put me outside this barrier I set for myself and others. I thought I was some strange outlier, where no one could figure out what I was and that left me floating in this lake of confusion, where everyone was on land having their own little private get togethers and I was unable to come ashore because I didn't fit in. Even then, I knew of course about switches, but I didn't consider myself one. I just thought I was a sub who topped from the bottom, and that is generally seen as a bad thing. So was I bad? Different doesn't always mean bad, but I felt like I was bad. I could have stuck to my guns and insisted I was a sub, but when enough people say otherwise or question that insistence, what was I supposed to do? Believe blindly that they were wrong and I was good, like the religious man's example? Or did I set my own thoughts aside and grab hold of everyone else's statements and beliefs? I did neither and both of them, I called myself a switch.

This was an easier solution, but similar things are hardly ever easy. How do you stay yourself while listening to everyone else? Or do you ignore others and go about your business? How do you remain good while staying individual? How do you stay true to yourself while staying within the boundaries of moral wellness? Is that possible? How do you all do it? Fer srs, answer me.

PS: Please don't start in on how each society is different with its constraints and moral code, I'm aware of that more than you might think I am. I merely want to know how you maintain yourself and your personal image, not about how our society is corrupt or wrong and everyone else is fabulous; because while the former might be true, the latter certainly isn't.